Cricket, the town nut...

I guess every town has one. The crazy guy that walks the streets, giving kids something to laugh about and adults someone to shun. They usually have made-up names because no one knows who they really are, like Old Man Alan or Weird Guy. My town has Cricket.

Other town's weird-o's are usually harmless, and not crazy at all. In fact, we have several of these, like the guy that carries a radio on his shoulder and wears hot pink and black zebra striped sweat pants, or the sad-looking man that could be in his 40's or his 60's, his craggy face and gray whiskers not really giving enough information for an accurate guess. We also have a woman who bundles up throughout the year, no matter what the temperature, and mumbles to herself, avoiding all human contact. But Cricket is different. He's a total whack-job.

Cricket stands on street corners yelling at cars that pass by, sometimes reaching out and smacking the trunk lid. Sometimes he stands in the middle of the street, daring you to run him over, and you either wait until he moves or wait until the other lane is clear and go around him. The worst thing he does, however, is cuss at anyone around him--or nobody at all. Whether he's muttering under his breath or shouting, he's almost always going on about something. And he's scary. Very scary.

He once started yelling at me in my church parking lot when no one was around. My hubby and FIL had just gone into the church and MIL was about to come out of the activities building. It was dark, and I thought he could attack me and no one would be able to help me in time. Luckily, for the most part, if you ignore him, he'll just wander on, as he did this time. But he lingered longer than normal, longer than I'd like, threatening me. Oh, yeah, did I mention he says threatening things, too? Threats that involve words like "cut" and "knife" and occasionally a specific body part.

Most people think he's harmless, or at least we used to think that. But he's gotten worse in the last few years, like with smacking the passing cars, and dropping his pants for the general public. Recently, he reached out as if to grab a guy riding past on a bike.

As the story was told to me, he was in front of Taco Bell, yelling at people and cars, when two guys on bikes were riding toward him. The guys were of late-high school or college age, and big, like football player big. The first guy rode past without incident, but as the second guy was riding by, Cricket reached out as if to grab the guy. Now most people in town know to ignore him and keep going, but either this guy didn't know or just didn't care. He threw down the bike he was on, spun around, and clocked Cricket. And evidently he was ready to punch Cricket again as soon as he got up, but some Taco Bell patrons ran outside and broke it up.

I gotta tell ya, I wish I'd been there to see that. If I were a big guy, I'd punch him, too. See, the thing is, I don't really think he's mentally unstable. I think he wants everyone to think he is. I was once in Gino's when he came in, placed his order, and sat quietly in a booth waiting for his food. He had the sense to speak to the woman behind the counter, he had the sense to count out the appropriate amount of money, and he had the sense to wait and then receive his order. How crazy is that? He also goes to the bank like a civilized human. And the woman at the local kitchen for the homeless told me that when it's just the two of them, he's as rational as the rest of us. I want to punch him because I'm sick of his terrorizing the town.

Maybe he is crazy. Maybe he's sane when he's on his meds and crazy when he's off them. Maybe he's drunk or high a lot. I don't know, but either way, I wish I'd seen him take that punch.